It’s all in the wrist
I was terrified of leaving Los Angeles last week.
Was I going to be able to create out of the comfort zone that I’ve made? My morning coffee, the regular conversations, the everyday conflicts, my view of the city... Would the complete change-up in vibe take me down and leave me wondering what to put on a canvas? It’s a legit thing to wonder as an artist because I feel it’s so easy to develop these routines that become, in many ways, a prison.
How do we define who we are? What we do? What is the foundation of the traits that we think of as key to our character? Maybe these are questions few other people think about, but as someone who has never had a home since they left the nest, only places I’ve been and lived, things I’ve tried and done, they are some I often think about.
Yes I’ve left LA since I started arting, but, it’s a bit different now.
Painting has opened up a new side to me, a very vulnerable one. How exactly is really hard to describe. I’ve never spent this much time or gone so in-depth with a gut feeling as I have with this.
So, when I stood in front of a blank canvas in my parents basement for the first time, after a week of no painting, there was a moment, a very long moment. My normal routines were out the window, my regular environment thousands of miles away, how I had defined myself for the last several years almost completely non-applicable. Except for one thing...the most important part.
That thing was me.
The seed for everything is inside my head. It’s not what’s around me, who’s around me, or anything else. Yes, all of that adds or subtracts, like spices in a dish, but that’s it. If I want to create, I can. Routine, familiarity, they create supports to help the process along, but, they can be found in anything, anywhere. They are just fabrications that I create, in order to create.
Like riding a bike after a long hiatus, it wasn’t hard at all to drop back into it. The hesitation I mentioned, I doubt anyone would have noticed the fraction of an instant that that leap from ‘can I still paint?,’ to ‘what kind of fun should I have?,’ took. It was still really scary, but, the kind of fear that I’m used to and embrace as a necessary part of the process. Talking about that kind of fear is a post or a dozen in itself.
I’m at this weird point of realizing the potential of what I can do.
I’m testing theories on a daily basis and realizing what’s all possible. Now that I know I can paint wherever I go...create where’ve I am..I’m excited put in motion a lot of plans I’ve been dreaming about for the last 10 years.
The fear will always be there, in one form or another and as much as I hate it I think it’s necessary to move forward. When you’re comfortable you’re complacent. There is a time and a place for that in life and creativity, but I’m nowhere near to it and I’m glad for it. For now I’ve tested and proven that it’s all in the wrist, my wrist. As long as I’m there I can do it.
Thanks for dropping by and reading about what’s going on in my crazy art life :) If you have a minute swing by the store and see if there’s any design you like. Artists live and die by the support of their fans.
Hope you have a great day wherever you are!